September. It has always been a big month for us.
It's a time of transformation... it is the turn of the season beginning.
It holds a large number of family birthdays. Nora, our first daughter, was born in September.
This year Nora has started school the first week of September.
And it is notoriously when we end up moving. It's happened more often then not that we are packing our home in September.
And once again we are preparing to begin the process of moving again.
But this time.. this time.. o you guys... this time the move is the biggest move yet.
No we are not moving to Africa or Fiji.
We are moving to our very first home!!!!!!!
For the very first time I will unpack all our boxes and then get rid of them ALL. I will put things away without wondering how long before I pack again. This time, we will be filling OUR home with our stuff. We will pick paint or fixtures or furniture because we want it in our own house for the foreseeable future.
God has truly blessed us. He has taken this picturesque dream we have clung too and instead led us down a different path that we had not thought to walk. And I truly believe that my plans/dream had to be surrendered so that God could lead me to what HE has for us.
While this house will not be our forever home, it will be our home for awhile. And it will be OURS.
Maybe I'm putting too much stock in a building. But after almost 10 years of marriage, 8 moves, living in 4 states and birthing 3 children, this home is so much more than just a house.
This home means roots. It means a commitment to staying put. To build community, a future and to contribute to a town, a church, a group of people and to build. To grow deep and to see the fruit of all our efforts. This house means we can make it our own. We can BE in this house, we can make memories. Every dent or scratch my kids make, every paint stroke I put on the walls, each project we complete (with my dad especially) will be special because we did it.
We are not leaving this town. For now Post Falls, ID is our hometown. We hope and pray that God will keep us here in Northern Idaho. We want this to be where we live our lives, where our kids grow up and the backdrop for their childhood memories.
My parents have purchased a home here too. It was monumental for me.
It means the dream of my heart that I could live by them came true. That my kids will get the privilege of knowing their grandparents really well. I love that they are so familiar with them.
I love that I can have friendship with my mom that we never really experienced while I was a difficult teenager and young adult. And as my youngest continues to grow and become not as reliant on me for everything, I will get back to fishing and spending quality time with my dad 1 on 1. I will get to hug and kiss my parents almost daily when they are here.
Maybe you can't relate to my desire to be so close to my parents or to own a home. But my heart is singing. And now I have LITERALLY 2 WEEKS to pack and clean and prepare my family for this move.
Pray for me will ya? And if you want to come help or keep me company/sane, let me know :D
family
Sunday, September 8, 2019
Saturday, November 24, 2018
The Reality of the Nativity Story
Have you ever spent time really thinking about the reality of the nativity story?
Like the logistics of having a baby, as a teenager, in a barn, after riding a donkey for what, 3 days? I won't get into it, but come on...just think about it.
Today I was hit by another reality of this glorious moment in history. It came from listening to Christ centered Christmas songs.
The First Noel:
"They looked up and saw a star
Shining in the East beyond them far
And to the earth it gave great light
And so it continued both day and night"
O Holy Night:
"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees"
Let's think about this... it's been 400 years of what seems like silence (from Malachi to Matthew) and trudging along, keeping the promise of a coming Savior alive.
Take a second and put yourself here.
How often do we tire in our waiting for a promise, or for a breakthrough, or for a hope to be realized? GENERATIONS have waited... have hoped to get to be alive to see this long promised Savior.
That silence, that deferred hope, that waiting and wondering... it resonates with me, deeply.
When I truly grasped this reality, it hit me hard.
Can you feel the thrill of hope at the Savior's birth? Can you imagine being one of that weary world? Can you imagine what that next morning would feel like? Waking up to a new world? One LITERALLY FILLED WITH HOPE!! One would HAVE to fall on your knees.
And then to have such a far reaching sign. A star, so bright you can see it in the day time!! Reality check, no lights...EVERYWHERE is dark on the night of Christ's birth. And then FLASH! Then this star appears. Sometimes I have wondered, how did these "wise men" see one star and decide it needed to be followed like a rainbow w/a pot of gold? Well, one word, reality! The only lights at night are what fires are lit and the moon and stars. And to have a star so bright you can see it in the day, suddenly flash in the sky, who could miss that?
Let's just think about this... From a weary world, full of darkness to one filled with hope and dazzled by light. My heart swells, I can't help but get choked up and feel so blessed to be one who not only understands, but believes and walks in this hope, light and love every moment.
Please take a moment to let the reality of our Savior's birth sink in. Sing these songs of stories with your children, it's not just a "birthday party" for baby Jesus, it's a celebration of a new world, a new life and all consuming HOPE!!!
Like the logistics of having a baby, as a teenager, in a barn, after riding a donkey for what, 3 days? I won't get into it, but come on...just think about it.
Today I was hit by another reality of this glorious moment in history. It came from listening to Christ centered Christmas songs.
The First Noel:
"They looked up and saw a star
Shining in the East beyond them far
And to the earth it gave great light
And so it continued both day and night"
O Holy Night:
"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees"
Let's think about this... it's been 400 years of what seems like silence (from Malachi to Matthew) and trudging along, keeping the promise of a coming Savior alive.
Take a second and put yourself here.
How often do we tire in our waiting for a promise, or for a breakthrough, or for a hope to be realized? GENERATIONS have waited... have hoped to get to be alive to see this long promised Savior.
That silence, that deferred hope, that waiting and wondering... it resonates with me, deeply.
When I truly grasped this reality, it hit me hard.
Can you feel the thrill of hope at the Savior's birth? Can you imagine being one of that weary world? Can you imagine what that next morning would feel like? Waking up to a new world? One LITERALLY FILLED WITH HOPE!! One would HAVE to fall on your knees.
And then to have such a far reaching sign. A star, so bright you can see it in the day time!! Reality check, no lights...EVERYWHERE is dark on the night of Christ's birth. And then FLASH! Then this star appears. Sometimes I have wondered, how did these "wise men" see one star and decide it needed to be followed like a rainbow w/a pot of gold? Well, one word, reality! The only lights at night are what fires are lit and the moon and stars. And to have a star so bright you can see it in the day, suddenly flash in the sky, who could miss that?
Let's just think about this... From a weary world, full of darkness to one filled with hope and dazzled by light. My heart swells, I can't help but get choked up and feel so blessed to be one who not only understands, but believes and walks in this hope, light and love every moment.
Please take a moment to let the reality of our Savior's birth sink in. Sing these songs of stories with your children, it's not just a "birthday party" for baby Jesus, it's a celebration of a new world, a new life and all consuming HOPE!!!
Monday, August 13, 2018
grief
I don't claim to be an expert on grief. I don't have all the answers or the right words to say in those times of loss and crushing pain.
But I have walked through it myself and with friends.
The tragic death of a teens mother and the unknowing if she was saved.
The death of 3 of my grandparents and watching my parents walking through it. Both sudden and anticipated passings.
My father-in-law and the layers of grief my in-laws, husband, my daughter and I go through.
Friends of friends.
Children of friends.
Tragic sudden deaths and longer, sometimes painful deaths that we knew were coming.
In each situation I always go back to that first one I listed.
It was when I was in college and I was the youth leader of this sweet and tender hearted teen.
Through that excruciating and impossible situation I learned so much about grief and the importance of it.
We are mortal, we all will die. If we are saved by the one true savior, we need not fear death and what comes next. But that does not automatically make it easier, especially for those left behind.
I have come to a place of having a way of supporting and loving those who are going through the throws of grief.
1. Be there for them. Often it's not what you say, but that you are there. You listen and do not judge, you be a safe person for them to vent, question, scream, sob, or maybe cuss at/with. So often when people are grieving they struggle to feel free to really grieve and that will usually lead to a meltdown at some point. Honestly, the meltdowns will come no matter what, but giving the room to feel and the safety to do so is so very helpful.
2. Remind them to feel. Encourage them to grieve. Most of us know the stages of grief and that road is important to go through. But that's not the entirety of it. Once you have lost someone, you will always feel it. No matter how much time passes. 12 years later you could be at the store and pick up a cookie and think, "this was their favorite." and the tears will come and the hurt will feel fresh. To grieve is to remember and to love. Let yourself grieve.
3. Remind them to give themselves and others grace. No one grieves the same or in the same time frame. There will be days it cripples you and others it may be more of a cloud on a sunny day. We don't dictate how our hearts grieve. We can control how we respond. So respond with grace.
4. Talk about the person who is gone. To be immortal your story must be told. People must keep you alive by retelling your stories. A person's life has so many facets and touches people in so many ways. One story can have more than 2 sides and effect people in ways you'd never know. The story you share could mean the world to someone else who is grieving too. My children will never know their Papa. They will only know the stories we tell, the photos and videos we show. Those of us left behind, we must keep the memory alive. We must tell the good and the bad, to learn from, to honor and remember those who are gone.
5. Pray for peace.
If you or someone you know is grieving this season, I want you to know that there is a peace that can help you through this. You simply must ask. I pray that each person who reads this will feel the peace that only God brings and the love He gives so freely.
But I have walked through it myself and with friends.
The tragic death of a teens mother and the unknowing if she was saved.
The death of 3 of my grandparents and watching my parents walking through it. Both sudden and anticipated passings.
My father-in-law and the layers of grief my in-laws, husband, my daughter and I go through.
Friends of friends.
Children of friends.
Tragic sudden deaths and longer, sometimes painful deaths that we knew were coming.
In each situation I always go back to that first one I listed.
It was when I was in college and I was the youth leader of this sweet and tender hearted teen.
Through that excruciating and impossible situation I learned so much about grief and the importance of it.
We are mortal, we all will die. If we are saved by the one true savior, we need not fear death and what comes next. But that does not automatically make it easier, especially for those left behind.
I have come to a place of having a way of supporting and loving those who are going through the throws of grief.
1. Be there for them. Often it's not what you say, but that you are there. You listen and do not judge, you be a safe person for them to vent, question, scream, sob, or maybe cuss at/with. So often when people are grieving they struggle to feel free to really grieve and that will usually lead to a meltdown at some point. Honestly, the meltdowns will come no matter what, but giving the room to feel and the safety to do so is so very helpful.
2. Remind them to feel. Encourage them to grieve. Most of us know the stages of grief and that road is important to go through. But that's not the entirety of it. Once you have lost someone, you will always feel it. No matter how much time passes. 12 years later you could be at the store and pick up a cookie and think, "this was their favorite." and the tears will come and the hurt will feel fresh. To grieve is to remember and to love. Let yourself grieve.
3. Remind them to give themselves and others grace. No one grieves the same or in the same time frame. There will be days it cripples you and others it may be more of a cloud on a sunny day. We don't dictate how our hearts grieve. We can control how we respond. So respond with grace.
4. Talk about the person who is gone. To be immortal your story must be told. People must keep you alive by retelling your stories. A person's life has so many facets and touches people in so many ways. One story can have more than 2 sides and effect people in ways you'd never know. The story you share could mean the world to someone else who is grieving too. My children will never know their Papa. They will only know the stories we tell, the photos and videos we show. Those of us left behind, we must keep the memory alive. We must tell the good and the bad, to learn from, to honor and remember those who are gone.
5. Pray for peace.
If you or someone you know is grieving this season, I want you to know that there is a peace that can help you through this. You simply must ask. I pray that each person who reads this will feel the peace that only God brings and the love He gives so freely.
Friday, December 16, 2016
sometimes we need to remind ourselves formally....
Rachel,
You love Nora. She is a really fun little girl. You love to make her laugh and to help her discover new things. You love spending time with her and making her feel special.
You are also exhausted. You feel strung out, over touched, unappreciated, and ignored. All you want is to be left alone and to not deal with whining, crying and fits.
But remember this is a stage. And soon Nora will be four and on to another stage. Alot of her behavior is a result of how you respond and react. If you lose your patience quickly why wouldn't she fly off the handle right off the bat? And also she's 3. Let her be silly. Let her make a mess. Let her talk like a baby. Let her say what she's trying to. Listen more. Give her the why first before the instruction.
Most of all slow down. Stop trying to get everything done all the time. Decide what to do together and do it. Less letting her lead so you can stay engaged longer.
Bake together!! Let her help cook. Let her help clean. Include her.
Choose to be happy and not make a big deal out of everything. O and next time. Make you a priority. Take time to be alone, to find clothes that fit. To decide what u want and do it and not have anyone touch you.
And most importantly pray. You seriously need to pray more.
You love Nora. She is a really fun little girl. You love to make her laugh and to help her discover new things. You love spending time with her and making her feel special.
You are also exhausted. You feel strung out, over touched, unappreciated, and ignored. All you want is to be left alone and to not deal with whining, crying and fits.
But remember this is a stage. And soon Nora will be four and on to another stage. Alot of her behavior is a result of how you respond and react. If you lose your patience quickly why wouldn't she fly off the handle right off the bat? And also she's 3. Let her be silly. Let her make a mess. Let her talk like a baby. Let her say what she's trying to. Listen more. Give her the why first before the instruction.
Most of all slow down. Stop trying to get everything done all the time. Decide what to do together and do it. Less letting her lead so you can stay engaged longer.
Bake together!! Let her help cook. Let her help clean. Include her.
Choose to be happy and not make a big deal out of everything. O and next time. Make you a priority. Take time to be alone, to find clothes that fit. To decide what u want and do it and not have anyone touch you.
And most importantly pray. You seriously need to pray more.
survival
Day after day the only way I stay sane as a mom is the knowledge that we get another try tomorrow. When I yell or lose patience too quick, when I ignore and put chores first just so I can feel like I accomplished something, that I could control something... Even if only the dishes or floors..
When I tell Nora no I don't want to play even though I have nothing better to do... Those days I walk in a haze of fatigue and can't remember what we did.... I can wake up with hope that today will be better. I can praise God that his mercy is new each morning... That his grace is there for me. I can stop and rejoice when Nora is a good girl or listens well. I can smile and sigh when I achieve the special one on one time with both girls and some alone time to boot. I can laugh at the things that often leave me in tears. All because his mercy is new. The day is full of hope. my babies are growing and will eventually sleep and not throw tantrums daily. I just wish I could wash down this hope with a cup o coffee....
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Sisters
9/4/2016
5:12 AM
I never had a sister growing up.
I had friends and I had plenty of brothers.
But I never experienced the bond I am now privileged to witness.
Nora is clearly Gwen's favorite. She looks for her anytime Nora talks. Many a nursing session has abruptly ended simply because Nora says something.
Nora was the first to get a big long lasting laugh from Gwen.
If I use my stern voice with Nora, Gwen will whimper and cry. And today after Nora tripped on our walk and scraped her knee, Gwen's face said it all as Nora cried. Her eyebrows showed her concern and her eyes glassed over as she clearly looked right at Nora.
And Nora has come to adore Gwen. She is constantly coming up with new nicknames for her. And she loves to make Gwen laugh. She is hugging Gwen and will grab her head to turn it to find her if it's taking too long.
Nora hates it when Gwen cries. When Gwen got her first shots Nora cried just as hard and longer. Whenever gwen gets fussy I will ask Nora if she thinks she is hungry or tired and quite often she gets it right. And if I'm putting the girls to bed alone and Gwen is crying as I tuck Nora in, she won't want to go to sleep until I go take care of Gwen.
These two have such a connection, such kindred spirits and love. I pray earnestly that this bond continues. I would love to continue to watch this friendship deepen.
I dream of the day I will listen to them play together, their giggles matched, their dancing synced, and their smiles mirrored.
Before each one was born God gave me a promise of who they would be.
Nora would bring joy and be an honor to parent. Just as her name means.
Gwen would be a blessing. And she has fulfilled that day after day.
God knew I thought boys were in my future, as they have been prominent in both our families. But he knew what we needed, and who I needed. Two incredibly wonderful little girls that not only make me content and happy but a better person as a whole.
I love this parenting thing. Its surreal and ungraspable at times. And yet the greatest gift I could have ever imagined.
5:12 AM
I never had a sister growing up.
I had friends and I had plenty of brothers.
But I never experienced the bond I am now privileged to witness.
Nora is clearly Gwen's favorite. She looks for her anytime Nora talks. Many a nursing session has abruptly ended simply because Nora says something.
Nora was the first to get a big long lasting laugh from Gwen.
If I use my stern voice with Nora, Gwen will whimper and cry. And today after Nora tripped on our walk and scraped her knee, Gwen's face said it all as Nora cried. Her eyebrows showed her concern and her eyes glassed over as she clearly looked right at Nora.
And Nora has come to adore Gwen. She is constantly coming up with new nicknames for her. And she loves to make Gwen laugh. She is hugging Gwen and will grab her head to turn it to find her if it's taking too long.
Nora hates it when Gwen cries. When Gwen got her first shots Nora cried just as hard and longer. Whenever gwen gets fussy I will ask Nora if she thinks she is hungry or tired and quite often she gets it right. And if I'm putting the girls to bed alone and Gwen is crying as I tuck Nora in, she won't want to go to sleep until I go take care of Gwen.
These two have such a connection, such kindred spirits and love. I pray earnestly that this bond continues. I would love to continue to watch this friendship deepen.
I dream of the day I will listen to them play together, their giggles matched, their dancing synced, and their smiles mirrored.
Before each one was born God gave me a promise of who they would be.
Nora would bring joy and be an honor to parent. Just as her name means.
Gwen would be a blessing. And she has fulfilled that day after day.
God knew I thought boys were in my future, as they have been prominent in both our families. But he knew what we needed, and who I needed. Two incredibly wonderful little girls that not only make me content and happy but a better person as a whole.
I love this parenting thing. Its surreal and ungraspable at times. And yet the greatest gift I could have ever imagined.
A Season of Bigger Sizes
7/31/2016
11:41 PM
I never realized how skinny I was until I had a baby. I had carried around an extra 10-20 lbs after getting married and had been frustrated. But after having a baby and fighting tooth and nail for any lb lost, it became a consuming struggle.
11:41 PM
I never realized how skinny I was until I had a baby. I had carried around an extra 10-20 lbs after getting married and had been frustrated. But after having a baby and fighting tooth and nail for any lb lost, it became a consuming struggle.
After moving to ND I began to seek to lose weight in earnest. For about 6 months I was at the gym at least 3-4 days a week and really watching what I ate. I lost maybe 3 lbs. Then we got pregnant again and I didn't gain that much weight really. But I find myself back to that same struggle of weighing more and embracing myself less.
I now am at the heaviest I've ever been not pregnant or immediately following. I know I'm only 2 months post baby. But my weight has plateaued. And in the past that is a sign of little movement to come.
The struggle is real. I am always hungry with nursing. And I can eat a ton in one sitting. But I don't often have time to make a salad or a healthy option. Between caring for Gwen and nursing and being there for Nora and trying to keep house.... Ok I need to give myself grace, i'm still figuring this all out.
What I really want to write about is the freedom to allow myself to have a "big season". I'm not saying a license to be overweight. But the freedom to not kill myself over it. I am in a season, much like a lot of moms I know, of having priorities that may not include the gym in the top 5. Therefore it may take me awhile to regain the slimmer figure I desire.
Easier said than done... For sure. Even as I write this a voice calls me out for making excuses. And though they are excuses, they may just help me stay sane. I get overwhelmed easy this time around and too much on my plate makes me feel like I'm drowning. So I will focus on other things and try not to let my tight clothes make me hate my body. No I will choose to focus on the important things, try to correct my eating and trust that soon I will have the room in my life to focus more on regaining my body.
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